Six Kind Ways To Say “No”

Are you bad at saying no?  Do you say yes too often, getting yourself stretched overwhelmingly thin? I have finished reading Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, a book I highly recommend to you. The author, Greg McKeown, included a very helpful “No” repertoire, which is beneficial to everyone who needs to say “no” more often.  If … Read more

Jokes

I don’t think there are any “jokes” in the Bible, but there is a lot a humor! We’re called to be glad, rejoice, be happy and laugh. Though there is a time to be serious, I also don’t want to take myself too seriously. I’ve made it a habit over the years to collect puns, … Read more

Apple

A 4-year old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, “Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?” “Because,” his dad explained, “after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular … Read more

As Good As You

A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you.” “Nonsense,” said the pastor, in a flattered tone. “No, really,” said the old lady, “I’ve been … Read more

The Skills

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10.” The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.” The old lady wanted to know why. The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave … Read more

Explaining Football

A dad decided to introduce and explain football to his 6-year-old son and took him to his first American football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, Dad asked his son how he liked the experience. “It was okay, Daddy, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing … Read more

Complaining

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives … Read more

One Liners

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won tonWeight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigramHalf of a large intestine: 1 semicolon1000 aches: 1 kilohurtzBasic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower1 million microphones: 1 megaphone2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds52 cards: 1 decacards3.45 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale … Read more

LAWYER

A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars.”“A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?”“It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

TAX PAYER

A taxpayer received a strongly-worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. “Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”