You can learn to become a more charismatic leader. It’s about focusing on others.
Here is some of what I learned from John Maxwell’s new book, The Charismatic Leader: 21 Skills To Connect With People.
“There are two types of people in the world: those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say ‘Ah, there you are.'”
Frederick L. Collins
In general, you get what you expect from others. I have chosen to take the high road, expect the best, and be blessed most of the time. We need to focus on people’s good days, not their bad days.
Here are other things I want to remember from this book:
1. Don’t Wait – Do A Little Each Day
“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.“
Samuel Johnson
2. Focus On Others, Not Yourself
To become good adding value to others, you must become highly intentional about it.
Human beings are naturally selfish. People want to be appreciated, not impressed. They want to be regarded as human beings, not as sounding boards for other people’s egos.
All people feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation, and appreciation.
Treating others negatively lowers your level of charisma and diminishes your leadership. Encouraging others raises both.
3. Become a Maker Instead of a Taker
We need to become makers instead of takers.
Takers are people who take grab and consume whatever they can to meet their own needs. They look for leverage over others. They beat up others to get the best deal they take without any thought of giving back.
Makers are people who give, create, and make things happen. They look for ways to add value to others. They like a fair trade, but they want to give. They focus on others and make sure others get their fair deals first. They want to create more for everyone.
4. Live Abundantly
My potential is God‘s gift to me. What I do with my potential is my gift to him.
“When we refrain from giving, with a scarcity mentality, the little we have will become less. When we give generously, with an abundance mentality, what we give away will multiply.”
Henri Nouwen
5. Ask Great Questions
We need to ask good questions in order to discover what matters to people. Here are examples:
- What do you dream about?
- What do you cry about?
- What do you sing about?
- What are your values?
- What are your strengths?
- What is your temperament?
6. Tell Great Stories
The best stories are those which we have lived ourselves. Here are ways storytellers make an impact through their stories:
- Enthusiasm – They enjoy what they are doing and express themselves with joy and vitality.
- Animation – Their presentations are marked by lively movement, facial expressions, and gestures.
- Audience participation – They involve the audience, asking listeners to sing, clap, repeat phrases, or do sign language.
- Spontaneity – They adapt their communication to their listeners.
- Memorization – They tell their stories without notes, freeing them to maintain eye contact.
- Humor – They interject humor in both serious and sad stories.
- Creativity – They communicate classic themes from a fresh perspective.
- Personal – They use the first person to make their stories more immediate.
- Heartwarming –Their stories made people feel good.
7. Think of Others and Make an Impact
Consider this Jewish legend:
Two brothers once shared a field and a mill, each night dividing the grain they had ground together during the day. One brother lived alone; the other was married with a large family.
One day the single brother thought to himself, It isn’t fair that we divide the grain evenly. I have only myself to care for, but my brother has children to feed. So each night he secretly took some of his flour to his brother’s storehouse.
The married brother considered his brother’s situation, and said to himself, It isn’t right that we divide the grain evenly, because I have children to provide for me in my old age, but my brother has no one. What will he do when he’s old? So every night he secretly took some of his flour and put it in his brother’s stores. As a result, both of the brothers found their supply of grain mysteriously replenished each morning.
Then one night they met each other halfway between their two houses. They suddenly realized what the other was doing, and they embraced each other in love.
The legend is that God witnessed their meeting and proclaimed, “This is a holy place – a place of love – and here it is that my temple shall be built.” The first temple is said to have been constructed on that very site.
A person with a big ego doesn’t think too much of himself; he thinks too little of other people.
8. Always Be Sincere In Your Charisma
Don’t use charisma to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. Always be authentic.
You may have heard this old joke:
As an old man lay dying, his wife of many years sat close by his bed. He opened his eyes and saw her. “There you are, Agnes,” he said, “at my side again.”
“Yes, dear,” she replied.
“Looking back,” the old man said, “I remember all the times you were by my side. You were there when I got my draft notice and had to go off to fight in the war. You were with me when our first house burned to the ground. When I had the accident that destroyed our car, you were there. And you were at my side when my business went bankrupt and we lost every cent we had.”
“Yes, dear,” his wife said.
The old man sighed. “I tell you, Agnes,” he said, “you’ve been a real jinx.”
It may seem obvious, but I want to go ahead and say it anyway so that I’m not misunderstood. You should never say something you don’t believe to lift up someone. If you’re not sincere, you don’t make people feel good; you make them feel they’re being schmoozed. When you pass credit on to others, you need to do it from the heart.
You can pick up a copy of the book with this link.
