TEACHER: Why didn’t you study? STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that are way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a … Read more


A couple is watching the news.  They hear that a beautiful actress is marrying an athlete who’s famous for his lack of IQ and common sense. Husband: “I’ll never understand why the goofiest guys get the most attractive wives!” Wife: “Why thank you, dear!”


On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.” A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out … Read more


An accountant, an engineer and a statistician were interviewing for a job. Each of them were asked the same question at the conclusion of the interview: what is 4 x 5?  The engineer replied 20.000 with a 100% certainty factor.  The statistician answered that the sample size was too small to make any reliable conclusions.  … Read more


“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.” “Yes sir, I understand.”  “Good, Charlie. Now, would you please explain that to your father?”


A 6th grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long … Read more


Jim had an awful day fishing, sitting on the lake all day without a single bite. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick out the four largest ones and throw them at me, will you?” “Okay. But, why do you want me to … Read more


A young mother was preparing breakfast for her two young sons–a five-year-old and a three-year-old. They were arguing over who would get the first pancake. The mother, trying to instill good morals in her sons, asked them to remember What Would Jesus Do. She said that Jesus would say: “Let my brother have the first … Read more


Little Johnny’s family had guests for dinner.  The dessert was apple pie. Mom cut the pieces and Little Johnny carried them to the table.  He gave the first piece to Dad, who passed it to a guest.  Little Johnny came in with the second piece and gave it to Dad, who again gave it to … Read more


Our neighbors gave us a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that we had to throw it away. Ever gracious and tactful, my wife sent the neighbors a note. It read: “Thank you … Read more