A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D.C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. “That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!” “You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in those … Read more
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The … Read more
A large passenger plane is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 35,000 feet, when suddenly an F-22 Raptor appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus flight, a boring flight isn’t it? … Read more
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists’ canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?” Me: “Certainly, what width?” Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): “Um, scissors??”
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had … Read more
My four-year-old son told me that it was his stuffed animal’s birthday today. Since this was probably the third birthday this animal had in about as many weeks, I commented that she seems to have a lot of birthdays. He explained, “Well, the older you get, the faster they come!”
A bunch of men were sitting around playing cards. “I win!” said Harry. Joe threw down his hand, “That’s it! I’ve had it! Harry is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillip asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”
It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house. She’ll be happy to know I got the hint. I got her a magazine rack.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.” I said, “And just where am I going to find 5 people without any problems???”
Debra was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, “How much are these oranges?” “Two for a dollar,” answered the vendor. “How much is just one?” she asked. “Sixty cents,” answered the vendor. “Then I’ll take the other one,” said Debra.