An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help … Read more
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters’ place. They put up a big bold sign which read: “WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!” Not to be outdone, the old master barber put up his own sign: “WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”
Our neighbors gave us a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that we had to throw it away. Ever gracious and tactful, my wife sent the neighbors a note. It read: “Thank you … Read more
A lawyer’s dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast. The butcher heads over to the lawyer’s office and asks, “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand … Read more
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.” Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn’t do my homework last night.”
A little boy’s birthday gift from Grandma was a water pistol. Mom said to Grandma, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?” Grandma grinned. “Oh, yes, I certainly do.”
One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. “How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?” Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook … Read more
Little Johnny’s family had guests for dinner. The dessert was apple pie. Mom cut the pieces and Little Johnny carried them to the table. He gave the first piece to Dad, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with the second piece and gave it to Dad, who again gave it to … Read more
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all … Read more
A guy gets shipwrecked and washes up on a beach. The sand is dark red. He can’t believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He’s shocked when he finds that his … Read more