Mark Twain once said that he could “live for two months on a good compliment.” Just like we need oxygen, food and water, we need encouragement and praise to be healthy. And as much as you may enjoy hearing a good word about yourself, kids truly thrive on encouragement and praise.
Kids need our generous encouragement and praise. It provides a sense of internal motivation that allows them to focus on the most important aspects of life.
In his book, Drive, Daniel H. Pink lines out the three levels for motivation: Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose. These concepts that work to intrinsically motivate people in the workforce can definitely be applied to parenting children. Giving kids praise for the right things in the right way can help them go farther faster.
Here are four thoughts about offering praise to kids:
Praise Effort and Strategy, Not Intelligence
If we praise kids for intelligence only, they will learn to think of challenges as an indicator of their smarts. As a result, they won’t tackle difficult challenges, but will take the easiest route to reinforce the fact that they believe they are smart. A better outcome is for children to believe that they are appreciated for trying to tackle the difficult tasks. They will learn that effort and hard work help to grow a person.
Make Praise Specific
Instead of offering generalities, kids should be told specifically what was noteworthy. Why did we give them this praise? What specific thing warranted it? Specifics help kids get a glimpse of what they did and how well they may have done it. It allows them to hone in on those gifts they most enjoy using and developing.
Praise in Private
Giving a child words of praise doesn’t have to be ceremonial. In fact, the best and most optimal way to give praise is privately. While public praise is also important, private praise carries a different kind of weight in the life of a child. Instead of seeming forced, private praise comes across as totally genuine and from the heart.
Offer Praise Only When There Is Good Reason For It
Don’t tease a kid with fake praise. Kids can see right through it. The best policy is to find something noteworthy to praise them for – or keep quiet.
