Tim Price
Tons of people were there because the weather was nice. We had great success because the team worked so hard. We met each other partly because she decided on the smaller of two schools. Because provides the answer when our minds look for the reason. The famous answer to a child’s question, “Because mom or … Read more
Patience is one of the many things wisdom provides for us in life. It’s been said we judge others by their actions and we judge ourselves by our intentions. When we act irrationally or emotionally, our minds justify our behavior, but we tend to pounce at the first offense of others. I like what the … Read more
How is it that some people are never late and others always are? How can an issue always arise that creates the conditions for being late? There may a few good reasons, but overall, the leader sends some certain messages when they are late. I’m far from perfect in this regard, but I do have … Read more
Customer on phone: “We need to order some four-by-twos.” Lumber clerk: “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” Customer: “Let me check …” <silence> “… Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” Clerk: “All right. How long do you need them?” Customer: “I’d better go check …” <silence> “… A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
Two businessmen walk into a diner in the countryside. They have decided to stop there for lunch, so without ordering anything they sit down, take out sandwiches from their bags and begin to eat them. The waiter sees this and says to them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” So the businessmen look … Read more
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam. He picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.” Pencils flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled; some students wrote over 30 pages. One student finished … Read more
A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $1.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it. The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a single dollar bill in change. As he did, the clerk said, “You know, we don’t … Read more
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red. After seeing this, the teacher … Read more
Sunday School Teacher: “Now Little Johnny, I want you to memorize today’s motto, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Little Johnny: “Yes ma’am, but I know it already. My father says he has always used that as his motto in his business.” Teacher: “Oh, how noble of him! And what is his … Read more
A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to college. Home for vacation, the dog admitted he had learned neither history nor science, but added proudly, “I did make a good start in foreign languages.” “Okay,” replied the owner, “say something in a foreign language.” The dog said, “Meow!”