Order

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Customer on phone: “We need to order some four-by-twos.” Lumber clerk: “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” Customer: “Let me check …” <silence> “… Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” Clerk: “All right. How long do you need them?” Customer: “I’d better go … Continued

Sandwiches

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Two businessmen walk into a diner in the countryside. They have decided to stop there for lunch, so without ordering anything they sit down, take out sandwiches from their bags and begin to eat them. The waiter sees this and … Continued

Chair

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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam.  He picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.” Pencils … Continued

Gorilla

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A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $1.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it. The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a … Continued

Umbrella

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.  The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the … Continued

Motto

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Sunday School Teacher: “Now Little Johnny, I want you to memorize today’s motto, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Little Johnny: “Yes ma’am, but I know it already. My father says he has always used that as … Continued

Foreign Language

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A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to college. Home for vacation, the dog admitted he had learned neither history nor science, but added proudly, “I did make a good start in foreign languages.” “Okay,” replied the … Continued

Guest Preacher

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After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, “You were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for an hour and said nothing.” “Thank you,” the visiting preacher replied.  “Yes,” she continued. “You … Continued

What Time Is It?

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The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was.  I told him it was between 1:00 pm and 5:00 pm.  

Car Trouble

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A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, “I can’t do anything about this … Continued